I’m not really sure how you are supposed to start a blog or introduce yourself, when the only reason you have a blog, is because your child is in heaven. But here I am writing this. And here you are reading it.
I have had this pull to start writing about my journey and share it with others for awhile now. I have been thinking, drafting, planning and praying about it, as it keeps popping into my head. And now here I am. Starting this journey. Uncertain where it will take me. But hopeful that it will be a place of healing and comfort. And not just for me.
Welcome. My hope is that this will be a place of honestly, healing and hope. No matter the reason you stumbled upon me, I am sorry. If you’re here because you’ve lost your child, I am so terribly sorry. There are no words to describe how sorry I am, as this just sucks. If you are here because you know someone who has experienced the loss of their child, I am also sorry. Although it didn’t happen to your family, you are also now on a journey. Please know that you are important and what you do is important.
I am Rachel. I am a wife to my husband, Dave. And a mother to my two daughters, Khaleesia and Raelyne. On October 22, 2021, my entire life was ripped from under me. My firstborn (but younger) daughter, Raelyne, unexpectedly died. 5 weeks shy of her 2nd birthday.
Now here I am. Trying to figure out how to carry on. How to continue living in this world, without my little sidekick. How to keep moving forward, when all my hopes and dreams have been taken away. How to find healing, while remembering and honouring Raelyne, but also knowing that I will never be the person I was before 4pm on October 22, 2021.
My hope is that sharing my story, my struggles, my heartache and my experiences will not only help me but will help those around me.
This journey is awful. One that I wish I never had to be on. But here I am.
So far, I have found very little resources that are specific to those who have lost their toddlers. I have found lots of resources on miscarriages and stillbirths. Lots of resources on losing older children or adult child. These resources are great especially for people in those situations, but I have found very little resources specific to young children and toddlers. I hope this means that there are very few people who have lost their toddlers, but I also struggle with the lack of resources.
I have found that those who have experienced miscarriages, stillbirths or the loss of older or adult child, all have aspects of their journey that I cannot relate with. Yes there are aspects that are similar but there are also challenges and struggles that I don't understand. And at the same time, I find that these resources also are missing aspects that are specific to my journey.
So here I am. I hope that I can be a resource to anyone who has experienced the loss of their child or walking along someone who has. But I hope to also add to the resources, specific to those who have lost a toddler or are walking alongside them.
So welcome to my journey. My journey of heartache. Healing. Hope. And trying to seek God throughout it all.